So, should you travel after a breakup? How can travel help you heal from a breakup? After some reflection and consideration, there were 13 distinct ways I found that travel helped me heal, and they are ways that will help you heal from a breakup too. They also exemplify why travel is one of the best things to do after a breakup and several things you do along the way that promote healing.
You know that stereotype about lesbians? Yeah, of course you do. They get super attached and want to get married just a few months (or days…) into a relationship? Maybe they move in together, get engaged, whatever. Everyone does, right? Well, what happens when that relationship ends…? *cue rapid Googling of “how to heal after a breakup,” “stages of grief after a breakup,” and “best things to do after a breakup”*
I’ll admit, my story doesn’t look exactly like that. I was a senior in high school when I started dating my ex, and we grew very attached to each other. Despite attending separate colleges, we stayed together and spoke every day. Like, excessively spoke every day. Looking back, it was very unhealthy. To be fair, I wasn’t in the best state of mind through most of it, but it still shook me to my core when it ended my first semester of sophomore year. It’s hard to put into words how difficult this was, but keep in mind it was my first everything. We made all the silly little promises that we all think we can keep when we are young. Make some sense now?
I barely kept it together that semester. With the help of some absolutely amazing (and I do mean amazing) friends and family, I functioned and tried to move on. I went through every single stage of grief (yes, grief applies outside of death), from denial, begging, and needing answers to fear, loneliness, and bargaining. I eventually moved on to acceptance, but I was never truly “at peace” or forgiving, which helps with true healing. I thought I might stay in that limbo forever because of how static I felt. An exemplary reason self love after a breakup is so important.
Studying abroad had always been on my radar (even if I didn’t intend for it to be traveling after a breakup), and I almost missed the chance because of my mental state during this period. I missed deadlines, I hemmed and hawed. There were multiple points where I thought it would be a waste to go. And honestly, I was afraid. I was afraid of being alone, afraid I wouldn’t find companions, afraid of being away from family and friends (the only way I was staying sane). Luckily, after an epiphany, emotion regulation, some loopholes, and help, I finalized studying abroad in Maynooth, Ireland the next semester. And, wow, I’m glad I pushed through to get there.
Studying abroad was my first step in traveling alone. I had been abroad with my parents before, but being in a foreign country, knowing no one, and being thousands of miles away from loved ones is completely different. And it’s exactly what I needed to help me move on once and for all.
I think it’s exactly what a lot of people need to move on once and for all.
P. S. Excuse the quality of photo… many of these (you can tell) were taken with a (very) old iPhone, but the captions were too good not to include. Moving on.
Oh, and yes. These are all mine even if they don’t have watermarks. It’s a new thing. (Thanks to all the people out there who take images without permission or payment.)
No one knows you. Because no one knows you, you can create a persona – any persona!
It turns out, there’s some truth to the “fake it till you make it” quote. Forcing yourself to talk to people helps actually be comfortable talking to people! There’s a scientific explanation behind this phenomenon – basically, you create new wiring in your head and every time you do something small where the wiring didn’t exist before, a new little string appears! You must keep adding to the strings (i. e. talking to people, getting outside) to help the wiring stay and become big and strong. Sounds like a pretty fun thing to do after a breakup if I do say so myself.
For example, I pretended I was a more confident version of the devasted squirrel (yup.) I had become. Over time, I knew I could handle more and more – I started in English speaking countries, sticking to tourist areas. Then, Spanish-speaking countries where I knew a little bit and explored lesser-known cities. Then, I took the dive into places like Poland and the Balkans where I didn’t speak the language or have much direction. But that little bit of “fake confidence” helped push me that far. If I hadn’t taken the leap to travel after a breakup, who knows where I would be with it.
Making friends and meeting people
Specifically, these are friends that haven’t seen you at your worst. Sometimes having friends that you can just travel with can be a big help because they aren’t worried about you. Of course, friends that know you well, have helped you through tough times, and care about you are wonderful and beneficial, but sometimes all you need is time to remove yourself from the grief and familiarities of home. Having “travel friends” or meeting people in new destinations is one of the best things to do after a breakup because it can help build confidence to get you through hard times; you won’t constantly be dependent on others to get you out of the grief that is so common after a breakup. You have the freedom (and ability) to do it solo! Again I encourage you – travel after a breakup!
I love my friends, and again, they were beyond helpful. But having a friend that didn’t have to take care of me or make sure I didn’t fall apart helped me address those short comings in myself. In a way, this act is a great form of self love after a breakup.
Breaks up the monotony of “normal” life
Is there a tv show you always watched together? Maybe a favorite restaurant, song, or even grocery store? Choosing to travel after a breakup can give you peace and quiet from those constant reminders of normal things you “used to do.” Instead of driving past your special place, you’ll be trekking in a foreign country (or city) with new sights and experiences to set off the pleasant dopamine release you used to feel. Seriously, one of the best things to do after a breakup is release that wonderful dopamine. You simply won’t have time to worry about the new episode of that tv show! And you’ll be eating such delicious cuisine, you won’t care about that restaurant anymore.
Furthermore, you can turn your phone off to receive these benefits to the full extent – instead of getting excited about a text or phone call, you’ll be getting excited about your next adventure. (see #12 for more reasons no/little phone is beneficial)
Planning trips (or a trip) makes you feel bad-a** and capable
Buying all those tickets, planning when and where you’ll go, choosing where to stay, what to eat… all of those decisions are YOURS to make when you travel after a breakup, and it makes you feel so accomplished when you go through this process. Plus, you get fun out of it at the end! Talk about a boost in self-esteem, eh? You don’t have to travel solo and take on these responsibilities, but I think solo travel is one of the best things to do after a breakup because of that self-esteem boost.
Reinvigorated excitement about life
Traveling after a breakup will reintroduce the rush of pleasure humans love about life. You’ll be excited for new places – and that might be your lifeline at the beginning. You can plan for hours on end, research things to do, places to stay, (vegan) spots to eat at, and more. You. Will. Thrive.
Honestly, even if you don’t travel or plan to travel, try organizing or planning something else. Planning is one of the best things to do after a breakup because it gives you focus.
This reinvigoration was how it was for me – the research and planning are some things I genuinely enjoy to this day, but it was all that kept me afloat at the beginning.
You become comfortable being alone
If your breakup is anything like mine, you became dependent on others. There was a point where my friend actually had to bring me protein bars to class to make sure I ate. I had to call my mom between classes. I spiraled, but I didn’t need to be that person anymore. I didn’t want to be. (see #7 about independence)
Travelling after a breakup helps you see a little more clearly and removing this dependence (you may choose a different word) will lead to more doors opening for you – such as being alone, but not lonely. You can be alone in a hostel room, on a city bus, or wandering cobblestone streets. At first, you may feel utterly lonely in these situations because you don’t have another person to enjoy – but once you become comfortable, that loneliness isn’t so strong. One of the best things to do after a breakup is trying to enjoy your own company and savor the little moments. (Heck, you can even cry if you so choose! No one can judge you when you are comfortable being alone! And if they do, who cares!)
Your independence is accelerated
For some, getting a job or going off to college creates independence; however, it’s hard to feel fully independent until you are thrust into a foreign country or city knowing no one. When you travel, especially alone, independence must grow. Of course, you turned to friends and family at times, but you don’t rely on them for everything (or even many things) like you used to. You make your own fun, your own food, your own everything. Working on your independence is one of the best things to do after a breakup because you will be less likely to bounce from poor relationship to poor relationship.
The excitement of seeing new places helps you address (social) anxiety
Traveling after a breakup forces you into situations that are inherently anxiety provoking for many people. So, unless you want to sit in your lodging for your whole trip or fly back home (I mean, valid and no judgement – but I encourage you to try 😊), then you will slowly be able to manage your anxiety. It’s unlikely it will disappear forever, but just like creating a persona, new wiring will be fostered. And remember, new wiring is an important thing to do after a breakup.
Maybe it’s just me, but I have severe social and general anxiety. The anxiety pre-dated my relationship, but it was made worse from fear of rejection and so many other issues that come with a break-up. In order to see those magical sights as a traveler, I had to figure out how to feel my feelings, but not let them control me.
Traveling might help you re-evaluate what you want
Wanting kids, buying a house, staying in one place your whole life. All valid choices to make, but who is to say that’s what you actually want? Traveling after a breakup can help clarify those decisions – maybe you’ll even realize the relationship was never what it should’ve been and likely would have never been. For many people, traveling just once helps them realize they don’t want to be tied down – at least not in the ways they thought. This clarity is one of the best things you can do for yourself after a breakup.
For me, it helped me realize how flawed the relationship was anyway. We wanted completely different things, and while we could’ve made it work, would it have been worth it to live such different lives? I wanted to travel, and I almost didn’t even study abroad because of the relationship. I can’t imagine what future decisions would have looked like.
Traveling after a breakup will help you realize it was for the best
Don’t get me wrong, a breakup still hurts! But traveling after a breakup can help you realize that breaking up was the smart decision that will make you happier in the long run. Maybe it was an unhealthy situation, you wanted different things, or many you just weren’t happy. Heck, maybe it was the best relationship you’ve ever had, and that’s one reason it’s so hard to heal from. But traveling has a way of clarifying things – if you broke up, the relationship wasn’t the greatest thing ever. And you were saved who knows how much heartache if it had continued further.
Oh, and those of you who think “But they were the love of my life!” – if they were the love of your life, they would still be in your life. It might not feel like it now, but just wait.
For example, I realized how grateful I was that she ended the relationship. I thought our “little” problems were fixable and we would live happily ever after. But when I was traveling, I realized my mental health was getting progressively worse in the relationship, and I don’t know that I would have gotten help without clearing my head this way. recognizing problems: another one of the best things to do after a breakup!
Travelling after a breakup helps you find a passion and drive
Like I mentioned, for some people their passion becomes travel. But perhaps, traveling will lead you to something else – SCUBA diving! Writing! Driving buses! Operating ziplines! (Hey, I don’t know what you choose to do on your travels – anything is possible.) Maybe you even realize a house, kids, and steady job is exactly what you want – that’s okay too. Traveling after a breakup helps you heal because you realize you can do anything and be anything. You are worthy. You mean something. You can make a difference. Travel helps you get your confidence back (which I’m sure you’ve gathered), therefore it’s what? One of the best things to do after a breakup, that’s right.
Kick the habit of “reaching out”
I implemented the “no contact” rule prior to leaving the USA, but if you are having trouble with that step, traveling after a breakup will help you kick those habits of reaching out. Missing your ex and wanting company, the bargaining stage of grief, etc. It can all (mostly) be avoided by removing yourself from situations that make it easier to relapse into earlier stages of grief (i. e. having constant service). So, best thing to do after a breakup? Don’t reach out! Even if you leave the country to achieve it 🙂
Keep the memories at bay
This benefit is similar to #3, but it goes a step further. Removing yourself from familiar situations can help keep memories at bay until you are ready to face them. If you stay home, you would undoubtedly have thoughts like “I remember when we did *this* here.” However, traveling after a breakup allows you to keep those thoughts at bay until you are ready to revisit them.
Furthermore, you’ll be forced to smile for pictures. Tragic, right? Scientifically speaking, smiling releases hormones that make you happier. So, traveling will help keep the memories at bay because you’ll be so darn happy fake smiling! Smiling is a great thing to do after a breakup, even if it’s fake! Hey, there’s that fake it ‘til you make it again…
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Hair cuts post break up are such a cliche but I wish travel would enter that realm and be more acceptable. I moved to Scotland after a bad breakup (and for a degree). People were judgy but honestly it’s the best thing I ever did
Oh, I love Scotland! I’m glad it was so helpful for you.